The truth about Men in Black.
by Carbon-Based Biped
Summary: Well, when I was a very small child I thought that everything and everyone on TV was real, but how would they be able to hide from the real world? Then I saw Men in Black. Warning: This story took an alarmingly short period of time to write. Read with cau


Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, except for those I invent.

Now, most people think that the "Men in Black" (MIB) is a bureau that deals with aliens. On top of that, they think that its just a comic book and movie. But this couldn't be more far from the truth.

Point is, MIB does in fact exist. But it doesn't stop at monitoring aliens. It also makes sure that the hidden entertainment world does not mix with the "real" world. The following is a typical day at MIB.

We open in a room that matches MIB headquarters from the movie exactly. But now it is overrun by every character ever seen on the big screen. On the far side is a row of doors with the names of magazines and web sites on them. On the far right door a brass plaque says [www.fanfiction.net][1] on it. The doors opens, and a teenager walks out, looking around nervously. An agent runs up to her.

"Welcome to existence. What universe do you belong too?"

"X-Men universe."

"Mutant or non-mutant?"

"Mutant."

"Power?"

"To control plant growth."

"Purpose of creation?"

"To save the world from nuclear war and famine with the help of Wolverine."

"Very good, would you step over here, please?"

No sooner does she close the door and walk away with the agent then another door from another web site opens, revealing a cowboy. Another door opens, revealing a man with a pierce tongue. Another door opens revealing a digimon. 

Jay enters, shakes his head, and walks over to Zed who's watching the big screen behind the twins.

"Hey Zed. What's happening today?"

"Ally McBeal wants to visit her parents, but she won't wear a disguise. Max from 'Dark Angel' got mugged and she took out the mugger in full view of the public and we had to modify the memories of 227 people. King Kong escaped again and tried to stir up his popularity by climbing the Empire State Building. Too many people saw it so we had to make it into another movie. The space shuttle crew saw the _Enterprise _and we'll have to jam their transmission until they get back down here. Warner Brothers is trying to call the Looney Toons out of retirement again for '_Space Jam 2_', and we'll have to make '_Armageddon 2_' to cover up another one of NASA's screwups, but Harry Stamper doesn't want to be cloned. And now things are getting worse with the negotiations with Trah. She's still threatening to spill the beans on Fanfiction.net, and speaking of which, Xing has agreed to make use of chaptering, so we'll eventually be spared the headache of having several bodies of the same people running around. Right now they're in conference deciding who's going to disappear when the chaptering goes into effect. Oh yes, and we had to evacuate Tokyo so that they can start filming another Godzilla film."

"So, in other words, a very normal day?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Suddenly a barrage of alarms go off. On the big screen a map of Utah with a little dot leading away from it through Nevada appears.

"A skimmer."

"Who is it?"

"A friend of yours from Fanfiction.net. He's not cleared to leave Utah but he's in the middle of Nevada now. His creator is Supreme Kahuna."

"I'm on it. By the way, why don't you use Supreme Kahuna's real name?"

"Because he's writing this story and he doesn't want his name out on the Internet."

"Oh."

A few hours later. An old white van with several dents in the side goes down a two lane highway. He's all alone on the road in the middle of the desert, but on the horizon a black dot appears. Approaching rapidly with something bright yellow at the back, it catches up to the van.

The guy driving looks in the rear-view mirror, rolls his eyes and pulls over.

The car comes closer, revealing rockets in the trunk, These disappear as the car slows and pulls over behind the van.

A man and a woman, both dressed in black suits, step out of the car and approach the van. The guy in the van rolls down his window.

"Can I see your identification please?"

The man rolls his eyes again.

"Which one?"

"The one we gave you."

The mans gets out, walks to the back of the van and opens the trunk. Taking out a carefully hidden box he produces a high-tech key and unlocks the box. In a slot is an identification card with a picture of a man with blue hair out back in a ponytail. He has brilliant blue eyes that are glowing. The name underneath it reads: David Casrey.

"OK, DC, your resident fictional character card has you restricted to the state of Utah. Where are you going?"

"I need to go replace the power I took from California. I had thought that I didn't take all that much, but I guess I did."

"OK, you should've told us about it. We could've taken care of it. Right now, I want you to turn around and head back to Utah."

"Humph. This is so unfair. Just because I got invented in a fan fic I'm restricted to a certain area. Oh, that reminds me. I need to go to Manhattan. A story I'm in takes place in Toronto."

"Yeah, I know. It's going to cause us a major headache. Tsunamis five miles high, all around the world. At least Mimi Leder kept it reasonably small…"

Back in Manhattan, alarms began flashing as soon as Jay walked in.

"What now?"

"All the animals from '_Fantasia 2000_' escaped. I've already sent someone to take care of it."

"Anything else that's new?"

"Well, Indiana Jones doesn't want to share his public name with Han Solo anymore. Emperor Palpatine wants to be known as Empress Loretta, Itchy and Scratchy from _The Simpsons_ want stunt doubles, Dick from "_Third Rock from the Sun_" wants to change his name, and the aliens from '_Close Encounters of the Third Kind_' want to hold a family reunion on top of Devil's Tower again."

"Just a normal day. Just a normal day."

   [1]: http://www.fanfiction.net/



End file.
